If Wildflowers Had Wings

Eyes closed shut in reckless abandon

Why were they so tightly shut?

To keep out the memory of who the elephant in the room was perhaps?

Or did you forget yourself in the soulless depths of pleasure where the body seems to forget anything but itself

What did you feel in that moment, I wonder?

Did you sense ecstasy violently peruse your veins while the rest of you trembled, as if in awe of the source of such feelings within itself?

Or were you making mental lists and reminding yourself to keep grinning, for the sake of your next paycheck?

How did it all end for you?

Though it may seem hypocritical to you, my thoughts did go to a small prayer for you and

I do hope they snuck their way past heaven’s smoky doors, despite my faults.

Maybe someday I will learn to enjoy pleasure as much as you, without the guilt

But until then, I will envy you and your abandon,

Your ability to push forward with no thought but of your own joy.

How freeing it must be to be able to let go of inhibitions and do whatever you want!

If only my heart would let me live my much smaller desires without the heavy anchor of watchful eyes and prying ears so eager to find fault

If only such simple freedoms were not under lock and key for this little wildflower

Then maybe, my wayward heart would have pushed its terrified self over the ledge and finally learnt how to fly.

3/7/13

Beyond the Surface