Blissful NIghts
Sometimes, I like the darkness. I like the way it hides my faults, my insecurities and my tears.
I like that I don’t have to suck in my stomach or watch what I do, in the dark
How I can hide myself between sheets of light and in the dark corners that lamps fail to reach.
I can be myself in the dark, hidden from the prying, judging eyes of the world.
I like that I can cry freely in the dark, without a hundred hands reaching out to forcefully sew shut the rips in my heart.
I wish I could love the light but the sunlight burns harshly on my unsheltered feet and makes me uncomfortable.
The light seems to sniff out my secrets and point out my scars
And yes, some days, I have the courage to show them boldly out to the world and tell them I don’t care what they expect, I can and will be just me
But the sheer energy put into building up that strong fort drains me.
Often, I can’t wait until I’m home, in my bedroom, to change into pj’s and breathe a sigh of relief.
I want to be free of the chains of the light; it hurts my eyes like continuous flashes from the ever snapping cameras of the paparazzi world.
I want you to leave me be, please, I’m so tired of you and I’ve grown to love the golden yellow hue that my curtains paint across my room when they’re shut;
I love that they color my world in a way that I can’t quite seem to unlike.
I wonder at times if I’m a vampire, but then I realize that I bleed, often enough…but in a way, I understand them better now.
I love the world in the evening, when people are more relaxed and comfortable and themselves;
I love seeing people when they’re not trying to force down laughter so they can be the serious, hardworking employees that they’re expected to be;
When they’re not worried about proving themselves so they can step up to the next rung on the ladder, even though they’re afraid of heights;
But mostly, I love that as the light fades, so do their masks and facades.
I like that under the cover of darkness they can be themselves and reveal what they are really thinking behind those lips that stand resilient to bending;
That they can snap out remarks that they refused to let fall from their tongues at trying times;
That they let out to friends, complain, laugh, worry and fall fully into their essence.
So yes, I like the dark sometimes, but I don’t think that makes me odd because I know that we are never more ourselves or more comfortable in our own skin than when
We’re having a midnight snack in bed, while watching a movie, our thunder thighs under covers, our insecurities in the closet,
Our daytime shields on the floor, next to the fake smiles we reserve for the remarks and comments that really hurt us….
Perfectly happy, perfectly satisfied, perfectly me.
4/24/2011
I like that I don’t have to suck in my stomach or watch what I do, in the dark
How I can hide myself between sheets of light and in the dark corners that lamps fail to reach.
I can be myself in the dark, hidden from the prying, judging eyes of the world.
I like that I can cry freely in the dark, without a hundred hands reaching out to forcefully sew shut the rips in my heart.
I wish I could love the light but the sunlight burns harshly on my unsheltered feet and makes me uncomfortable.
The light seems to sniff out my secrets and point out my scars
And yes, some days, I have the courage to show them boldly out to the world and tell them I don’t care what they expect, I can and will be just me
But the sheer energy put into building up that strong fort drains me.
Often, I can’t wait until I’m home, in my bedroom, to change into pj’s and breathe a sigh of relief.
I want to be free of the chains of the light; it hurts my eyes like continuous flashes from the ever snapping cameras of the paparazzi world.
I want you to leave me be, please, I’m so tired of you and I’ve grown to love the golden yellow hue that my curtains paint across my room when they’re shut;
I love that they color my world in a way that I can’t quite seem to unlike.
I wonder at times if I’m a vampire, but then I realize that I bleed, often enough…but in a way, I understand them better now.
I love the world in the evening, when people are more relaxed and comfortable and themselves;
I love seeing people when they’re not trying to force down laughter so they can be the serious, hardworking employees that they’re expected to be;
When they’re not worried about proving themselves so they can step up to the next rung on the ladder, even though they’re afraid of heights;
But mostly, I love that as the light fades, so do their masks and facades.
I like that under the cover of darkness they can be themselves and reveal what they are really thinking behind those lips that stand resilient to bending;
That they can snap out remarks that they refused to let fall from their tongues at trying times;
That they let out to friends, complain, laugh, worry and fall fully into their essence.
So yes, I like the dark sometimes, but I don’t think that makes me odd because I know that we are never more ourselves or more comfortable in our own skin than when
We’re having a midnight snack in bed, while watching a movie, our thunder thighs under covers, our insecurities in the closet,
Our daytime shields on the floor, next to the fake smiles we reserve for the remarks and comments that really hurt us….
Perfectly happy, perfectly satisfied, perfectly me.
4/24/2011
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